American Idol: Top 13

While I’ve taken a few years off of American Idol due to lack of interest, I’m back on now. So why not share our thoughts? Just a warning: Spoilers abound, since I’m recapping both the performances and the results.

First, let’s talk fashion. For performance night, J.Lo wore a white pantsuit that no one else in the world should attempt to wear, but on J.Lo looks perfectly natural. But the real buzz on the interwebs was not the performances, but Randy’s pin. Let’s take a look.

My sister said it looked like Ron Jeremy.  I didn’t even have a guess. Turns out it’s Betty Boop. There was so much discussion about it, Randy Jackson decided to give it away on his Facebook page.

And now that I’ve linked to Ron Jeremy’s Wikipedia and Randy Jackson’s Facebook, let’s move on.

Contestants sang Whitney Houston/Stevie Wonder songs (and by songs I mean ballads). Jimmy Iovine and Mary J. Blige were the mentors.

I have a couple of things to say about Jimmy. First of all, why is he doing more judging than the judges? They babble on about nothing, and he criticizes. The judges are clearly just for looks, which I can’t complain about because I love the way J.Lo looks. But still, let’s stop this. Also, Jimmy made this comment about Whitney Houston: “God mass-produces billions of people — in my opinion too many. But in the case of Whitney Houston, he stopped everything and made one by hand.” Which is maybe the most offensive thing I’ve heard in long time.

If you want to read detailed recaps of what people sang and if it was any good or not, feel free to look elsewhere. My comments are nothing if not random and pointless.

Elise Testone wanted to sing “The Greatest Love of All,” but Jimmy put the kibosh on that and switched her to a song I’ve never heard. She was p*ssed, and had a stank attitude about the whole thing.

She needs to remember that this is American Idol and America doesn’t care how you feel, unless you feel so grateful for this amazing opportunity and blah blah blah. I don’t care much about her because she shows so little emotion.

My sister asked, “Who invited Chris Brown?”

This is not okay.

We (which will always refer to my sister and I) like Erika van Pelt. My sister personally voted for her numerous times, but she still landed in the bottom three girls. I also revealed during her performance that “I Believe in You and Me” is my favorite Whitney song. I don’t know which reveal is more shocking.

I just can’t seem to become a Shannon Magrane fan, not because of her voice but because she looks like most of the girls from my high school and I have bad flashbacks.

Deandre Brackensick does “Master Blaster.” I have trouble understanding the words Deandre mumble sings, but I enjoy a good Rasta interlude.

Hollie Cavanaugh is supposedly one of the best singers on the show, but I can never remember what she sang. Jessica Sanchez (my favorite) face punched “I Will Always Love You” (in a good way), and was easily the best of the night.

But really the whole reason I’m watching the show is the precious Phillip Phillips, whose voice I could care less about but who is so adorable it hurts.

I mean, really. And he’s always wearing the most terrible earth-toned pant-shirt combo that makes it look like he doesn’t care, probably because he has a pretty good sense of who he is and doesn’t care how other people want to dress him. This, I love. Dave Holmes of NY Magazine commented, “I can’t help but wonder what this show can do for him that he couldn’t accomplish himself with a medium-size college tour,” and as a frequent attendee of medium-size college tours, I totally agree. But I’m still happy he’s here.

My sister and I powered through the results show in about 10 minutes thanks to our DVR, and we even stopped to watch the entirety of Mary J.’s performance. That’s how unnecessary the results show is. About halfway through the show, Ryan reveals to Erika and Joshua, who were both in the bottom six, that they are safe, saying, “Anything can happen!” “Anything” meaning it doesn’t have to take 45 minutes to tell us who the loser is.

It comes down to Elisa and Jeremy, and the judges send Jeremy home.

In other news, my sister pointed out that during the group number, the two white guys were the only ones who didn’t dance.

Which I’m okay with because I’m afraid if I saw Phillip dance, it might be a dealbreaker.

Did the right person go home? Did you fast-forward through all the judges except J.Lo like we did? Did Randy’s pin make you miss perler beads?


1 Comment

Filed under American Idol

One response to “American Idol: Top 13

  1. Maureen

    “My sister and I powered through the results show in about 10 minutes thanks to our DVR, and we even stopped to watch the entirety of Mary J.’s performance. That’s how unnecessary the results show is.”
    YES. THIS.
    Your recap here rivals anything LIzz and Riese have ever done. And I mean that sh*t. So you know I mean this is really good. Like, really good.

    P.S. Mary J wins everything. Even though it wasn’t that great of a performance.

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